Respectfully…
Ladies… this is an opinion piece. Read at your own risk. If you are offended by my take, let me apologize in advance. My intent is not to offend… rather to share some detail into how many of us good men think.
I am a man. I like to think a good man. A kind man. I take pride in being a good husband and father. I am willing to sacrifice and work hard for my family. To provide and protect. But at the same time… I am no pushover. As a matter of fact, beneath it all I am a hard, tough man.
It is my belief that “A harmless man is not a good man. A good man is a very dangerous man who has that under voluntary control.” And I aspire to “voluntarily control” that part of me.
My wife of 30 years (who passed away in October of 2021) and I raised six (6) kids together. Five (5) of our kids are boys.
I taught my sons HOW to be men.
My wife Shelly taught them how to be GOOD MEN.
NOT through force, or fear or shame or guilt. Rather… through feminine nurturing, love, kindness and patience.
After Shelly passed away I was going through some of her stuff and I found this write-up:
When a man is both…
Masculine, driven, visionary, and powerful…
And also… soft, loving, kind and accepting…
He will be at peace…
That man is powerful.
That man is unstoppable.
That man draws in from his strong, emotional heart
That man is connected to his higher-self and divinity
Both the masculine in him and the feminine in him work together…
To create beauty he can share with the world.
Then… She wrote… “How can I help build MEN like this?”
Did you catch that? THAT question?
How can I help build MEN like this?
I’d like to think that was how Shelly desired to raise and SHAPE our boys, but sometimes as I look back I also think it was how She desired to shape ME.
Shelly was beautifully feminine. She was kind, loving, caring, compassionate and creative.
Sure, She had another side. She was famous for smilingly saying, “Southern women don’t get mad, they get even.” And She never FORGOT if you wronged her… but She forgave easily and quickly and I think that was a special part of her feminine beauty.
PLUS… it kept her happier.
Even still… She KNEW… She too was capable of doing harm with her actions or words and was very careful to “voluntarily control” how She handled herself.
So… with that background information…
Recently, I read this quote on the front of a ladies Facebook page:
“I really should let my inner bitch out more often because she sure gets stuff done.”
When women call themselves “THAT WORD” it always surprises me a bit.
ESPECIALLY… because it seems to be a point of pride for some women.
Ladies… do you realize what you’re doing? Let me give you a hint.
I promise you that OVERWHELMINGLY when good men hear women refer to themselves as “THAT WORD”… it is not seen as a compliment. Rather… it’s something that men will generally run away from.
We men don’t think it’s something to be proud of.
When good men hear women referring to themselves as “THAT WORD”… they typically jump to different descriptive terms like…
Bitter… angry… unhappy… messed-up… crazy… things to be avoided.
Probably NOT how you want a good man to view you. Or… not how you’d like to view yourself.
Listen… I KNOW why you feel this way sometimes. It’s because being “THAT WORD” is a short term quick fix. And It WORKS… SHORT TERM. When you are “THAT WORD” things tend to get done fast. Again… the quote is correct.
“I really should let my inner bitch out more often because she sure gets stuff done.”
Especially as a man… I get it… because it’s generally true. When you let the monster out… things get done fast.
But at what cost? To others… and to YOU.
Think about what happens when a man does that. That’s like a man saying…
“I should use fear and force and violence and vitriol more often because it sure gets stuff done.”
You know… what some people refer to as…
Oh, I don’t know… maybe “toxic masculinity.”
Listen… I’m not suggesting any of us are perfect because we’re not. We’re all imperfect by nature. We’ll all make mistakes. Again and again.
But if there’s no justification for what many label as “toxic masculinity,” let’s please stop pretending there’s justification for being proud of exhibiting “toxic femininity.” Or… “THAT WORD.”
It’s not something to be proud of. And you’re telling people a lot about you when you use phrases like that. And it’s not generally good.
Am I wrong? Tell me how.
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