A confession

I have a confession to make.

I’m a man. Which means I’m supposed to be the strong one, the one that is the rock, the one that others can turn to if they need “lifting up.”

And I like to think I do a fairly good job of motivating and encouraging others when they need it.

But I have a confession to make.

Sometimes… I cry in the shower.

I realize my kids need to feel like I am… and need to see a strong, solid, positive, inspired, kind and loving father.

My wife (who passed away in October of 2021) still needs to feel loved, and cherished, and MUST know she is married to a forever friend, companion and partner. She MUST have confidence in my devotion to her and the kids. Especially now that she’s watching from me on the other side.

She needs to know “I got this” for her and our kids.

And my kids needs to feel like I know what I’m doing.

That’s A LOT of pressure. It’s hard. That’s why… sometimes…

I cry in the shower.

I worry that what I’m doing is right, that I’m doing what’s best for THEM, that I am keeping their best interest at heart.

I regularly question my leadership, the example I set for them and if I’m making any “tipping point” mistakes that will lead them astray or to want to be away from me and our family.

Frequently, I pray HARD that I am guiding them, and teaching them and showing them what I am supposed to – so that they can fulfill their incredible potential. Nothing scares me more than thinking that I’ve failed them in some way. That’s a lot of pressure. The weight is heavy. It’s hard. That’s why… sometimes…

I cry in the shower.

THEN, one of my sons expresses deep concern for a hurting friend. And another son makes a choice to put HIS life on hold to selflessly serve others; or I catch them treating each other with love and respect.

Then my daughter smiles at me so big my heart almost explodes out of my chest.

And she says, “I KNOW you love Momma AND me.”

And THAT gives me hope… because I know that with much help… things will turn out ALL-RIGHT.

Then…

I cry in the shower…

Because the water always washes away my tears.