I just couldn’t listen… until…
I’m not very musical. I’d LIKE to think I can sing if I have to. I mean, I can carry a tune. But instruments? Nope. Not even a chance. At one point when I was 23, I tried taking piano lessons. But after a few lessons (2) my instructor said, “Your fingers always seem to be puffy and bruised and swollen. Why is that?”
When I explained that I was boxing, she replied, “Well, you can’t be boxing if you want to play the piano.” So I quit. That was that.
But I really like music. Specifically Funk, Soul and R & B are my favorites.
And throughout my life, I’ve USED music for many purposes. Sometimes to calm me, sometimes to uplift me, sometimes to fire me up and even sometimes to give me energy.
I’ve even got specific playlists for each of those emotions that I’m trying to elicit.
But after Shelly passed away, I noticed that listening to almost anything, from ANY of my playlists, made me miss Shelly so bad that I couldn’t take it.
Prince? Yep. Luther Vandross? Of course. Earth Wind and Fire. Yes. Babyface? Geez. The Pussycat Dolls? C’mon. Even Rick James, the super-freak himself evoked so many memories of Shelly that I’d start tearing up and turn it off. I just couldn’t listen.
I guess that’s what happens when you spend 30 years married to the same wonderful woman. It seemed like everything made me think of and miss her just too badly to handle.
But I really like music. Especially THAT kind of music. And I’d already lost enough, right?
So, I devised a plan to get my music back.
I’d read about a clinical psychologist who’d had great success with folks suffering from anxiety using a simple step through process. It went something like this.
When someone has anxiety about something, the best way to help them overcome that anxiety (and it’s been clinically proven, now) is to introduce small doses of the stimuli which they fear over time. Slowly… a little more, then a little more, then a little more.
Clinically speaking, “avoidance” DOES NOT help and can even make the anxiety worse and lead to OTHER anxieties.
So that’s what I did. I’d let a song start, listen for a moment, then switch it off. Over and over, a little bit more each time… Until…
Just recently, yesterday, finally, I was able to listen to Luther again sing, “A House is Not a Home.”
I smiled from ear to ear as I drove. Thinking of Shelly and looking up through my sun-roof at the beautiful blue sky peaking through the clouds on a cloudy day… but only for a brief moment. (I felt like that quick sneak-peek of the blue sky was just for me.)
And guess what? I’ve got my music back.
Yep. Rick James, Prince, Chaka Khan and Sweet Luther are again buoying me up while agitating my neighbors. (I like my music LOUD!)
Oh, and just so you’ll know. I’ve also got a plan to get Shelly back.
Obviously, it’s a long-term plan, but I’m confident that she’s gonna be…
“Still in love… wiiiiiith meeeee.”
P.S. Listen to Luther sing the song in the link above if you don’t get it. It’s worth it. I promise.
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