A while back my daughter Chloe and I were (again) discussing a strategy my wife Shelly had developed years ago to help her to STOP worrying so much as she parented our kids.
It’s a strategy we (me and all my kids – including Chloe) use A LOT.
Why did my wife originally develop it and why were Chloe and I discussing it?
Well, my wife, as so many parents raising strong-willed kids do, she found herself consumed with worry about our family.
So much so, that she found herself losing sleep, lost in her own mind way too often, and even occasionally being what she described as “not at her best” when her family “needed her the most.”
Then one day I came home from work to find her with a big smile on her face and glowing with excitement. Immediately, I could see a difference in her.
“What’s going on? Did something happen? Did we win the lottery?”
You have to understand… Shelly was very steady. Generally, she was never too high and never too low. She never got too excited or too sad. You know… steady.
So when I saw her glowing… I was curious. I had to know.
“What’s going on?”
Shelly explained…
“You know our strategy worksheet we use to create strategies to help us manage the the kids? Well, I’ve been working on my “worry issues” and I think… finally… my strategy is REALLY starting to work.”
“You just caught me at the end of one of the most challenging days ever.”
“But you’re smiling. How are you smiling if it’s been challenging?” I asked.
“I told you. It’s working. And I’m excited.”
Then she beautifully twirled away from me and walked away in all her feminine glory.
Frankly it was the beginning of a newer, happier Shelly. I saw it with my own eyes.
For months after that day I watched her face more and different challenges with a smile on her face. With a different spirit… AND… I noticed she had more energy and patience with the kids… and me.
Finally… I pulled her aside and HAD to know her strategy.
“Okay… I’ll tell you.” She finally relented.
She started by sharing with me that she had started to see that her emotions and her worry and fear had started to affect her ability to be a good mom.
“When my emotions and my worry and fear start affecting my ability to love and serve you and the kids… THAT is a problem I need to address.”
She continued…
I believe I’ll probably always have thoughts of worry and fear “pop” into my mind. I don’t think that will EVER change. But I CAN change what I DO… WHEN they pop into my mind.
Then… in detail, she described (and SHOWED me) what she had created that was helping her SO MUCH.
I sat in stunned silence. Finally I said, “Is THAT what you’ve been doing?”
“I sure have. I’m not saying I’m perfect at it… but I’m so much more AWARE of it now that it’s becoming easier and easier and I’m getting better and better. I’m even sleeping better which gives me more energy for you and the kids.”
“And you’ve noticed haven’t you?! I’m a better mom, and wife, huh?”
She gazed lovingly into my eyes as she sweetly wrapped her arms around my neck.
“I sure have noticed. You’re happier, more energetic and the kids have started to model your happiness. They’re smiling more, and laughing more WITH you.” I said.
After a few moments (okay… many moments of holding her tight) I finally broke the silence.
“Can you show me again? Can I have a copy of that? So I can use it, too?”
Shelly looked confused as she said, “You have bad thoughts, too?”
“Everyone does.”
The amazing part of this story is that the worksheet she described (and SHOWED me) that day… that Shelly created for herself… has been THE MAIN strategy that me and all my kids have been focusing on that has… allowed US to keep on thriving…
AFTER HER PASSING.
The exact same strategy. Wow! What a legacy Shelly created.
THAT’S why Chloe and I were discussing it… AGAIN! And AGAIN!
Here’s the bottom line. EVERYTHING starts with a thought. And if we let those thoughts that are dropped into our minds that are negative grow… they will certainly leave us worried and feeling miserable and defeated.
But if we can catch ourselves early on when we have negative thoughts and replace them with the positive thoughts… we can win the war in our minds every time.
And live wonderfully… happy… gratefully blessed lives. AND… hopefully, we can help others do the same.
Just like Shelly is STILL doing for me… and Chloe… and all the rest of my family.
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