Maybe you yelled yesterday… maybe you lost your patience this morning… maybe your child is struggling, and you don’t know what to do.
And later, when everyone is finally asleep, you replay the day in your head… “Am I messing this up? Am I damaging them? Am I a terrible mom?”
I know that question because I watched my wife, Shelly, wrestle with it.
And what she eventually discovered changed the way she raised our six children—and eventually became The Shelly Method.
Being a Good Mom Doesn’t Mean Being Perfect
Motherhood comes with an impossible standard. You’re supposed to be patient but firm. Loving but consistent. Available but never overwhelmed. Calm even when your child is screaming.
Shelly wasn’t always that mom.
There were times she yelled. Times she became frustrated. Times she looked back on something she’d done and wished she’d handled it differently.
But she eventually realized something important… Her bad reaction didn’t prove she was a bad mother. It proved something wasn’t working.
So instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” She began asking, “What can I learn from this?”
That question changed everything.
So What Are the Signs You Might Actually Be a Good Parent?
- You care about your impact.
If you’ve ever thought, “I wish I’d handled that differently,” don’t automatically turn that thought into shame. Turn it into information.
Good mothers aren’t women who never make mistakes. They’re women willing to learn from them.
- You’re willing to apologize.
One of the moms who applied Shelly’s ideas had been carrying tremendous guilt about her relationships with her older children. She finally began making amends. She admitted that she had been doing what she thought was best based on what she knew at the time.
Those conversations helped restore relationships with three of her four older children—and even changed the way her youngest daughter saw her.
One apology didn’t erase the past. But it created a different future.
That’s called repair.
- You’re willing to understand your child instead of simply labeling them.
Shelly eventually realized something that sounds simple but is incredibly powerful:
Kids do what works. They test. They experiment. They push boundaries.
They try whining, arguing, yelling, stubbornness and a hundred other things to discover how the world works.
Shelly began thinking of kids as velociraptors testing the fence.
Not because they’re bad. Because they’re kids.
One mom, Aly, realized her children had learned that whining worked.
Every time she eventually gave in, she’d unintentionally taught them, “Whining gets results.”
When she stopped giving in, the whining eventually decreased. Then she taught her husband the same principle. They stopped fighting the behavior and started understanding what was driving it.
That changed the family.
- You Don’t Need to Know Everything
This may be one of the most comforting things Shelly discovered.
You don’t have to have every answer. You need to be willing to figure it out.
When something wasn’t working, Shelly stopped treating it as evidence that she was failing. She treated it as a problem to solve.
She began studying patterns, testing ideas and developing strategies specifically for each individual child. And that’s an important distinction.
There isn’t one perfect way to raise every child.
Your child is unique.
Your family is unique.
Your circumstances are unique.
So your approach may need to be unique too.
That’s why the Shelly Method isn’t about giving you another list of rules to memorize. It’s about teaching you how to think through the challenges you’re facing.
I’ll show you exactly how Shelly did that inside the book.
And Here’s What Happened to Our Family
Shelly wasn’t trying to create obedient children who never caused problems. She was trying to create a family that would still love each other twenty years later.
She wanted our kids to be able to handle real life:
Success… Failure… Tragedy… Triumph… Disappointment… Joy.
And now our six kids are adults.
We’ve experienced tremendous loss…
Especially… when Shelly passed away suddenly in October 2021.
Yet our family remains incredibly close.
We don’t believe that’s because we had a perfect family. We believe it’s because we learned how to handle imperfect life together.
Shortly Before Shelly Died, She Gave Me a Mission:
Less than six months before she passed away, Shelly and I were celebrating our 30th anniversary in Destin, Florida.
I went to the grocery store.
When I came back, Shelly was sitting on the floor of our condo crying.
She’d been reading stories from struggling mothers online.
She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, “We need to help these moms.” Then she said, “I’ve been where they are and I want for them what we have.”
And finally she said, “Please help them, Kyle.”
That was her dying wish. She didn’t want the attention. She was painfully shy. But she wanted her message shared.
So… Are You Ruining Your Kids?
Maybe you’ve made mistakes… you probably have.. Shelly did too.
But here’s the question I’d rather you ask…
“Am I willing to learn?”
If you’re willing to take responsibility… If you’re willing to give yourself grace… If you’re willing to understand your children… If you’re willing to adjust when something isn’t working… If you’re willing to apologize… If you’re willing to keep showing up…
You’re already moving in the right direction.
Meet “The Shelly Method” book.
I put everything Shelly taught me into:
“The Shelly Method. How to enjoy becoming the mom you’ve always hoped to be, while building the family you’ve always dreamed of.”
Inside, you’ll discover the way Shelly learned to understand our children, manage her own reactions, develop customized strategies, and build a family culture based on love, consistency, patience and kindness.
And I’ll walk you through the specific tools she developed to make those ideas practical.
You don’t need to become a perfect mom. You don’t need another reason to feel guilty. You need hope… and a way forward.
Get The Shelly Method -> www.shellymethod.com
Because Shelly’s message was simple…
“You can do it. It can be done. Now you know how.”
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