What if your strong-willed child isn’t always trying to give you a hard time?
What if they’re trying to figure out how the world works?
Think about it. Your child says no, ow why should I? You say, “Because I said so.”
They push back. You get louder. They push harder.
And before you know it, you’re in a battle with someone who isn’t even tall enough to reach the kitchen counter.
But what if your child is a little scientist, running experiments?
What happens if I say no to mom? What happens if I keep asking? What happens if I push this boundary? Does Mom mean what she says? What happens when she gets frustrated?
Your child may not consciously be asking those questions. But every interaction teaches them something about boundaries, relationships, and the world around them.
And that’s the opportunity I watched Shelly take advantage of:
Shelly stopped treating every difficult moment as a battle to win and started treating it as a chance to teach?
How cool is that?
And what if YOU could do that?
Well, you can, and that’s what I’m going to share with you right now.
My name is Kyle Jetsel. I’m the father of six kids and the author of The Shelly Method.
But this isn’t really MY story. It’s my late wife Shelly’s story… and my promise to help share what she learned (and taught me) with mothers who need it.
THE BIG IDEA: Parenting in a Spirit of Love
You should know. Shelly WASN’T a perfect mom. Rather she was a mom who kept learning.
She understood that parenting wasn’t about winning every argument or controlling every moment. It was about ENJOYING becoming the kind of mom you’ve always hoped you’d be…
WHILE… at the same time… building the kind of family you’ve always dreamed of.
She simply called it. “Parenting in a Spirit of Love.”
That doesn’t mean letting children run the house. Little scientists still need guardrails (and kids… especially ours) need boundaries, guidance, and consequences.
It means being firm without being cruel (you know, yelling, screaming or threatening) loving without being permissive (gentle parenting DIDN’T work with our kids – there was nothing gentle about them) and curious enough to ask what a difficult moment might teach you – as a Mom.
Here are three ideas from Shelly’s approach that can help you do that.
Here are three (not so secret) secrets that preview the “Shelly Method” eBook.
SECRET #1: Before You Correct Your Little Scientist, Check Your Own Thinking
Imagine your child refuses to do something you’ve asked.
Your first thought might be, “He’s deliberately trying to make my life miserable!”
But what if you paused for a brief second and asked yourself, “What am I thinking right now?”
Shelly developed a tool to help her do that called W.A.I.T.
What Am I Thinking?
Maybe your child ISN’T just being defiant. Maybe they’re simply testing a boundary. Or maybe the task feels overwhelming to them. Or maybe they’re just testing to see if them saying “no” changes the outcome.
You don’t have to know exactly why they’re what they’re doing to respond thoughtfully.
Instead of immediately reacting… pause… and notice what’s happening in your own mind. Then choose a response that teaches rather than simply expresses frustration.
You can still say no. You can still enforce the rule. But you can do it intentionally. And in a spirit of love.
What Shelly learned and taught me was simple: Your child’s experiment doesn’t have to become your emotional explosion. Frustration or anger or discouragment don’t always have to be your reaction to… “their experiments.”
And that leads me to secret #2
SECRET #2: Stop Reacting the Same Way When It Isn’t Working
Here’s something Shelly understood: what works beautifully with one child may completely fail with another.
Some children respond to direct instructions. Others need choices, preparation, a game, or a different approach.
And if your child keeps repeating the same behavior, simply repeating your command LOUDER may not teach… what you hoped it would.
That’s why Shelly developed a strategy she called C.O.S.T. — Challenge, Objective, Strategy, Tactics.
First, identify the actual challenge. (that’s the C in C.O.S.T.) Second, decide what you want your child to learn. Or the objective (that’s the O.)- Third, develop a strategy. (that’s the S.)- And finally, decide what you’ll specifically do next time. Or… the tactics (that’s the T.) C. O. S. T.
Let’s say getting ready for school has become a daily battle.
Instead of repeating the same commands every morning, you might prepare two acceptable choices, create a predictable routine, or turn getting dressed into a race against a timer.
You’re not rewarding defiance or abandoning the expectation. You’re testing a better way to teach the skill.
And if it doesn’t work? Learn from it and adjust.
What Shelly learned and taught me was simple: Don’t just try harder at the same approach. Build a strategy, test it, and learn from the results.
SECRET #3: You Are a Scientist, Too. Give Yourself Grace.
Here’s where this gets personal. And it sure did with Shelly. I watched it.
When your child pushes every button you have, you may not respond the way you wish you had.
You raise your voice. You lose patience. Later, you replay the whole thing and wonder, “What kind of mother am I?”
Shelly developed a practice called 100% A.G.: 100% Accountability (that’s the A in A.G.) and a WHOOOOOLE Lotta Grace. (that’s the G.)
At the end of the day, she would ask herself two questions.
First: “What could I have done better today?”
That’s accountability. You examine what happened, learn from it, and decide what you might change.
Then she would ask: “What grace would I give another mom who had the exact same day?”
That’s grace.
You can recognize that your response wasn’t helpful without deciding you’re a bad mother.
In fact, when you “model” taking responsibility, apologizing, and trying again… you’re teaching your children something important about how people learn.
What Shelly learned and taught me was simple: You don’t have to be a perfect mom. You can be a mom who keeps learning… and shows her children how to do the same.
WHY IS THE SHELLY METHOD IS DIFFERENT?
Now, you might be thinking, “Kyle, I’ve read parenting books. My child is different. they’re STRONG-WILLED. What am I supposed to do when things get difficult tomorrow morning?”
That’s a fair question.
Knowing what to do and remembering to do it when you’re exhausted are two different things.
That’s why The Shelly Method isn’t just a collection of ideas. It comes with the Family Success Kit, which gives you practical tools to help apply what you learn.
The 100% AG Daily Reflection worksheet (that’s included – in the success kit – when you grab the Shelly Method Book) helps you review your day with accountability and grace.
The C.O.S.T. Strategy Builder (that comes in the success kit, too) helps you prepare for recurring challenges instead of improvising every time.
And W.A.I.T. and A.P.WEC. worksheets (that ALSO are in the success kit) help you focus on making one good decision when things start to feel overwhelming.
You don’t have to change everything overnight.
Start with one challenge. Try one strategy. Learn from what happens. Make one better decision.
Three Resources. One Practical Parenting Approach.
Listen… I want you to have more than just the “Shelly Method” eBook.
When you get The Shelly Method package, you receive three resources.
First, The Shelly Method eBook, which explains the approach and shares practical examples.
Second, the Family Success Kit, with tools to help you put the ideas into practice.
And third, the audiobook, so you can listen while driving, walking, doing chores, or whenever it fits your life.
Purchased separately at their regular prices, the eBook is $9.99, the Family Success Kit is $27, and the audiobook is $20.
That’s a combined regular price of $56.99.
But you can get all three for just $17.97.
All three are available as immediate digital downloads, so you can get started right away.
There’s no artificial countdown, no made-up deadline, and no promise that one book will magically change your child.
This is about giving you practical tools to approach difficult moments with more intention, confidence, and love.
Help Your Child Learn. Give Yourself Grace.
Before Shelly passed away in October 2021, she told me, “We have to help these moms. I’ve been where they are and I want them to have what we have now. Please help me.”
She knew how much moms carry. She wanted them to have he same tools she used. The same practical tools Shelly used to handle difficult moments without losing sight of the relationship she (and all moms) are trying to build.
I can’t bring Shelly back. But I can share what she taught me while we raised our six children together.
So, the next time your child says no, pushes a boundary, or tests your patience, consider a different question.
Instead of asking only, “How do I make this behavior stop?”
Ask yourself:
“What is my little scientists child learning right now… and what do I want to teach?”
You won’t always know the answer. You won’t always get it right. That’s okay.
Children are learning. Parents are learning, too.
If you’d like practical tools to help you along the way, go to shellymethod.com and get The Shelly Method eBook, Family Success Kit, and audiobook for $17.97.
Three resources. Instant digital access. Start at your own pace.
You don’t have to raise a perfect child. We didn’t. You don’t have to be a perfect Mom. Shelly wasn’t.
Just like Shelly, you can set boundaries, teach with love, and learn one good decision at a time.
Shelly wanted to help moms. This is one way we can carry that message forward.
And Shelly and I are rooting for you.
Oh, one last thing. I need help spreading Shelly’s message. If you love what you learn from the Shelly Method kit, reach out to me. I’d love to explore what we can do together.