Just one day

Erik (my more severe ASD son) had a tough day.

On July 4th… he simply struggled with moodiness, grumpiness and all around general “make-the-day-tough-ness.” And every one felt it.

Not the right day for that. And the more that it went on… the more my “typical” kids started to feel the “C’MON… all day?” feelings. I could tell.

Yes. My typical kids are pretty patient and great kids… even when Erik is crappy… but still. Enough is enough, right?

So, towards the end of the day when Erik was “away from the rest of us and in his room” I decided to share a few things with the rest of my kids… to help RESET them… and maybe this will help YOU, too.

First, I reminded them that Erik DOES have some actual “mental challenges.” As most more severe kids on the spectrum do. He’s not always just being belligerent.

Sometimes we seem to forget.

As we discussed this in more detail I could see my typical kids “soften” and go from agitated… to more compassionate.

It changed them almost immediately. And as we continued to talk I saw their more sympathetic and loving side emerge.

Then…

I shared a dream I had about my sweet wife Shelly just a few months after she had passed away in October of 2021…

And it reset ALL of us almost immediately.

Want to hear the dream? I thought so. So, here goes.

[TISSUE ALERT]

Early this one morning a few months after she passed… my alarm went off and I rolled over and tapped the snooze button. Quickly I fell back asleep and dreamed.

As so often happens, my dream started off kinda wacky.

I was riding through an apartment complex in a kid-sized pedal car. As I came up to a big hill, I pulled my legs off the pedals and spread them out and flew down the hill as my hair blew in the wind.

It felt exhilarating.

But once I came to a rolling stop at the bottom of the hill, it hit me. I thought, “Crap, now I have to pedal back up that hill to get back to my starting point.”

Knowing that I’d be unable to “pedal” back up the hill, I picked up the pedal-car, wrapped my arm through the opening and happily turned to “start my climb.”

And… THAT’S when my dream turned serious.

There she was. Shelly.

Right in my face. Smiling at me with her beautiful, bright eyes.

I dropped the pedal-car and wrapped my arms around her tight and started to cry.

Almost immediately I found myself pleading with her through tears… “I need help, Sweety. I don’t think I can do this without you. I don’t want to wait so long until I get to be with you again. How long do I have to wait?”

That’s when she said it. She leaned in close, kissed me, and then whispered in my ear…

“Just today.”

Then the alarm went off again and woke me up.

Frankly… I was ticked. Stupid alarm. I wanted to spend more time with Shelly.

But I was also SO grateful to see her for that brief moment, to look into her eyes, to hold her and to have her remind me that I need to live… one day at a time.

And…

I CAN do this. But just for one day.

Then tomorrow… but just for one day.

Then the next day… but just for one day.

I’ll simply stack one day after another until the very end… whenever that may be.

Listen… it’s REALLY important we remember to RESET ourselves each and every day… and try our best not to let the difficult days stack.

Why?

When we let the days stack without resetting, we can find ourselves feeling like it’s EVERY DAY and ALL THE TIME.

And it feels OVERWHELMING. And our lives can start to feel sucky.

But when we can regularly RESET ourselves… even hourly when necessary… we can start to realize that it’s NOT…

Every day… all the time.

Face it when we must… reset quickly and regularly… and restore…

IN US…

A “softening” so we can go from agitated… to more compassionate and more sympathetic and more loving.

They deserve that. WE deserve that.

P.S. He’s doing MUCH better today. Just one day, huh?