Is venting good?

I was beating the “H E Double Hockey Sticks” out of that punching bag.

About fifteen years ago I was given a punching bag as a gift for my birthday. When he delivered it my friend suggested, “I see how frustrated you are with some of the things happening in your life. My hope is that you can use this to vent and ‘get your frustrations’ out of your system.”

At the time I thought, “What I thoughtful gift. I NEED this right now.”

And believe me… I used it. Almost every day, I’d head out to the garage and BEAT that bag until I was exhausted. Over and over and over.

As time passed I noticed a few things. First, I noticed my wife and kids disappeared after a few… “thump, thump, thumps!” Later, I learned it was because they were frightened by the overwhelming violence which I displayed. In hindsight… NOT GOOD.

And second, I noticed that even after punching myself in to exhaustion, I was still frustrated. Upon closer inspection I realized AS I was punching I was “focused” on my frustrations and they were (obviously) intensified. In hindsight… ALSO NOT GOOD.

Yep, in an effort to VENT my frustrations and “get it out” I was scaring my family, ending up physically exhausted and STILL living in the frustration.

NOT… the result I was expecting.

I needed another option.

For me, I realized venting and “getting it out” was not working.

SO I started doing some research. And over and over I discovered, the research is clear… over and over, it’s been proven…

“People who vent through exercise OR VERBALLY are angrier and more combative. And not just against strangers… but also PEOPLE THEY KNOW AND LOVE.”

Yep, it’s true.

“When we vent our anger, we may want to hit, scream or shout or even share our misfortune with others, and it may feel good to do that, so we may think, oh, since it feels good, it must be good for me,” says Brad Bushman, professor of communication and psychology at Ohio State University.

“But it also feels good to take street drugs and eat donuts.”

The point: Just because something feels good doesn’t mean it’s good for you… or others.

Listen, I’m not suggesting we don’t acknowledge our emotions, or find a way to express those emotions, I’m just suggesting…

That which we focus on… intensifies.

When we complain or vent in anger (it’s basically the same thing, people – I’ll fight you on this one) to others, we’re focusing on our problems or frustrations and not a solution.

If we now know it’s NOT GOOD for our families… and we NOW know it’s NOT GOOD for us…

What do we do?

Do we continue to complain or vent? Or find another way.

Think about it.