What MEANING are you choosing to give events in your life?
There’s an ancient story about a rich family who was asked by God to leave their home and all their riches because the area they were living in was going to be destroyed.
After leaving the city and traveling by foot for a few days, the patriarch (father) of the family had another vision from God.
In his vision he was told to send his four sons BACK to the city to retrieve a book of family history.
Two of his sons WERE NOT HAPPY. The trek would be long and hard. Not to mention that the man who had their family history book was a frighteningly powerful man who was not above enslaving them or killing them if he was unhappy with their request.
The patriarch’s other two sons had a different take on his request. They were unafraid. One of them even said to his father, after hearing the request…
“I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.”
I’ve always been fascinated by this story. Four sons, all asked to do the same thing. Two of them frightened for their lives, two of them ready to roll and accomplish the task with confidence.
Same Father. Same family. My guess is they were all raised the same way. Same… ALMOST everything. But entirely different views of the same request.
How does that happen?
I have an idea.
E.M.E.
I’ve even seen this in my own life.
I’ve had more than one experience where events I’ve shared with my own brothers have sent us down entirely different paths.
Remember… Same Dad. Same family. And I know we were raised the same way. Same… ALMOST everything.
How can two people experience the exact same event and have an entirely different take on what it means in their life and how it shapes them?
Again… E.M.E.
Event, Meaning, Emotion.
We experience an EVENT…
We give the event a MEANING and typically create a story to support that MEANING…
And then that MEANING we create and apply, elicits an EMOTION.
Remember the story I just shared of the family that was forced from their home and the two sons who were afraid they would be enslaved or maybe even die?
Can you imagine the emotions they were feeling? Yep… NOT good.
My guess is that they started out exhausted and sick to their stomachs and they begrudgingly drug their feet as they journeyed. They were slow and plodding and were maybe even thinking… “This is stupid. We don’t want to do this. We’re gonna die.”
And the story goes on to describe how very miserable they were. At one point even beating their brother with sticks until they were finally stopped by an Angel. Yep. an Angel. And even after that… they continued to murmur. Their MEANING was set in stone.
The MEANING they had chosen to believe was “impending death.” And the negative EMOTION that meaning created led them down a path of eventual destruction.
The other two brothers (on the other hand) created a different MEANING. They knew with God’s help anything was possible. And the positive emotion THAT created? My guess is that they stood up straight and tall and faced the difficulty with courage and faith. And the story goes on to describe how they did just that.
And guess what? They were able to (even through a lot of trials and difficulty – and with the helping hand of God) they were able to retrieve their family history and experience a lot of happiness and joy during their journey. DURING their journey.
The EVENT was that they’d have to go and do something hard. The MEANING they chose was that nothing is impossible with the help of God and they were going to go forth with courage and faith. The EMOTION that created was one of happiness and joy.
Do you see how that works?
Here’s the cool part.
If we’re conscious of how events are shaping us… WE (you and I) can get to DECIDE what events mean in our lives.
And if we’re NOT so conscious?
All too often past events or our thought patterns or how we’re feeling, or who we THINK we are or what we THINK will happen, or even WHAT MOOD WE’RE IN at the time of the event can create a “default” story that supports what we think the events means in our lives.
All too often, when something unique or bad or hard or difficult happens (or our ego gets involved) we create a story that gives an event a meaning that holds us back or creates an emotion that is harmful to us or others.
I’ve done this myself.
Here’s a simple… yet powerful example of how we can DECIDE to change what events mean and create much better outcomes in our lives.
Quite a few years ago, Shelly and I FINALLY got to a point where we could go on dates again after years of struggling with small kids.
On our very first date, we hopped into the car and as we were about to leave, Shelly said, “Put on your seat-belt.”
The EVENT.
Subconsciously… I defaulted… and my ego got involved… and I started thinking, ”We finally get to go out and I’m excited to be with just you and you decide to ‘nag me’ about my seat belt? I know to put on my seat belt. I’m not an idiot.”
The MEANING I chose by default? “She thinks I’m an idiot.” And that thought became locked-in EVERY time we’d hop in the car and she’d say, “Put on your seat belt.”
And I’d automatically… get frustrated. The EMOTION.
Eventually, Shelly called me out on it “Why do you always get so goofy when I ask you to put on your seatbelt?” and I finally realized what I was doing and became conscious of the meaning I had applied.
So… I decided to “change” the MEANING of the words, “Put your seatbelt on” moving forward.
Instead of the meaning being… “She thinks I’m an idiot.” NOW, I decided that when she said, “Put on your seat belt.” What she REALLY meant was… “I LOVE YOU.”
And as you can imagine… when Shelly said, “Put your seatbelt on” and to me it meant, “I LOVE YOU” the EMOTION that elicited was one of pure joy.
I’m getting goosebumps now just thinking about it. Because I can hear her saying it now. Give me a second to soak this in…
…
Okay, I’m back.
I just wanted to live in that FEELING… that EMOTION for a few minutes.
So, here’s an even COOLER part to E.M.E. I’m not the only one who has done this and seen an amazing transformation. And on an even greater scale than I could imagine.
Let me tell you about an incredible woman named Brenda Jackson.
Brenda is a lady I met a few years ago who created and leads an organization for “battered women” who are escaping their dire circumstances.
Why do I think she’s SO incredible?
Because Brenda… at an earlier point in her life HAD BEEN in those same circumstances. Dire circumstances.
Brenda’s story is one of overwhelming pain and suffering. She was mentally and physically abused as a child. Then as a wife and mother. I won’t go into too much more detail other than to say, on many occasions, Brenda was almost killed by the hands of those who were supposed to love her.
I highly recommend her book if you want to learn how a person can go from a life of pain and suffering and near-death circumstances – to a life guided by service and Saint-like love for others.
It’s called, “I Can Still Shine.”
As Brenda was trying to escape and recover from her circumstances, she was heavily weighed down by guilt, by a lack of self-worth and by regret and how that had affected her children’s lives as well as her own. And these feelings were making her feel like an inadequate woman and mother.
Emotionally, she was a mess… And who could blame her. Her life had been a struggle. Struggling to stay motivated, struggling with depression, struggling with self-esteem and struggling to fulfill her responsibilities as a mother was almost more than she could handle.
Then Brenda realized something that changed her life.
Brenda said, “I realized that I was living in a selfish, victim-driven state of being. I was making MY OWN past struggles and pain… MORE IMPORTANT… than the health and happiness of my children and their futures… and doing it to myself as well.”
“I HAD TO make my future happiness… and my kids future happiness… MORE IMPORTANT than MY PAST STRUGGLES.”
But initially there was a problem. She didn’t feel like she was good enough, or worthy, or capable. What had happened to her… HAD happened to her.
Her story was HER story, right? She couldn’t just ignore that part of her life.
So, she decided to change her story to a story of “Triumph Over Tragedy.”
That’s when she took advantage of the E.M.E. formula and completely changed her life… and subsequently the lives of hundreds of women just like her.
She considered the EVENTS that had happened to her.
She looked at the MEANING she had given those events.
And decided to change those MEANINGS. One by one.
“Here’s what I THOUGHT this meant. I was wrong. Here is what it means NOW.”
One by one she changed the meaning of events in her life that were holding her back.
And once she did…
The beautiful EMOTIONS that were created from changing the meaning of those events became the motivation, the fuel and the joy she experienced as she changed others lives for the better.
Here’s the COOLEST part.
You can do this, too.
Right now, think of something that was painful or hurtful or limiting.
What was the EVENT?
What MEANING did you give that event?
Well… you were wrong about what that meant. Now… give that event a new, more positive, uplifting, motivating meaning?
Did you do it? Don’t just sit there and read. DO IT, NOW!
Okay… Now, what kind of EMOTIONS would those new meanings elicit?
My guess? Hopefully, you’re feeling what I’m feeling now.
I’M FEELING GOOD.
Oh, and by the way. I have yet to DECIDE what the MEANING is of the way-too-soon passing of my sweet wife, Shelly. And I may be searching for a while.
But I can guarantee you when I DO decide, the outpouring of wonderful emotions will be overwhelming.
That’s what Shelly would want. For me, for our kids… and eventually for her.
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