My goofy experiment to make others happy BACKFIRED on me.
I frequently get asked, “How can you be so optimistic, Kyle? How can you be so happy all the time?”
So, I want to share with you an experience I accidentally created for myself to explain.
And I’ll start by telling you this. Back when she was alive, I asked my wife, “Do you ever get kinda sick of my eternal optimism and happiness?” Her reply? “Uh, yeah, sometimes I do.” And it just cracked me up and made me laugh.
She said, “SEE! That SHOULDN’T make you laugh and smile.”
I mean, you would think that having somebody like that around all the time would be kinda nice… I would think… but I guess, “not so much.” I guess it COULD get on your nerves. I guess.
Anyway… Here’s what I did a few years ago that REALLY changed me for the better… and it was this.
As I was going to Church every week, I found myself a little less than uplifted on a few consecutive weeks. Let’s be honest, it can happen. But I didn’t like that… I wanted to feel uplifted and always want to “get” as much as I can since I’m going to be there every week.
So, I decided to amuse myself by doing a “social experiment” that went like this… each week I would look for someone in the congregation that I can write a letter to.
What kind of letter? A letter of appreciation about something I like about them. Simple.
The first Sunday I decided to do this I was looking around and I spotted a fellow that I had heard mention something that I really liked. So, I went home that Sunday and typed up a letter, signed it with a pen and folded it up and put it in and envelope… and the following Sunday I hunted him down and handed it to him and walked away.
Then I started looking for my next… victim.
Week after week I did this. Over and over. And it was interesting the reactions I got from people.
First of all, I realize that’s fairly unusual… so when I’d first hand them a sealed envelope they would say, “What is this?” To which I’d reply… just read it later. And if it was a guy, sometimes I would just open his jacket and slip it in the inside pocket.
Multiple times I’d get a weird look. Many times the person I was delivering the letter to did not know me that well…
But AFTER they got the letter, they seemed to know me REAL well. And we BECAME almost immediate best friends.
Over and over… and over, the week after I’d hand deliver a letter I’d be approached by someone (when they saw me) almost running in my direction and oftentimes I’d be met with a handshake or a big-ole hug… whether I liked it or not.
Turns out, what I was doing was not only unusual, but downright unheard of.
Week after week after week I’d be on the search for… and always find someone who was worth praising.
Week after week after week, I’d be approached by a receiver of one of my notes who was always SO grateful and kind and even on one occasion, I was met by a gentleman who said to me, “You have NO IDEA how much I needed that on that day.”
I didn’t ask too many details but when he said it… I could absolutely FEEL how much it meant to him. And it made me SO happy that I could help with my simple little note.
One of my favorites was the time a young gentleman’s little boy (probably about 3) started screaming in Church. Quietly and patiently he swept up his toddler, smiled at his wife, and as the little dude tried his hardest to wiggle free from his Dads grasp, his Dad quietly and patiently walked back towards the door and – as he passed me – he gave me a big smile.
His smile said so much. To me it said, “Sorry for the noise, but boys will be boys, right?”
I smiled back and I’m sure – in my smile – he heard, “We’ve all been through it brother. You’re doing great.”
The following week I couldn’t wait to slip the envelope in his pocket as I said, “Read this later, brother. You’re a good man.”
Less than a half an hour later I spotted he and his wife in a hall reading the letter together with tears in their eyes as they hugged one another.
My eyes teared up as I realized how much my silly little note meant to that young couple.
And to me.
Then it hit me.
In my effort to try and find someone to praise, I was finding good everywhere. When I looked for good I found it.
And in my effort to try and find a reason to make someone feel special, they were turning it on me. I was GETTING far more love back than I could ever give.
My goofy experiment had backfired on me.
Here’s what I learned.
When we look for good in others, we WILL find it. And when we take the time to TELL them that we see good in them they GLOW.
And they GLOW so brightly, they WARM US.
Here’s the challenge. Who can YOU CALL today? Or MESSAGE today. Or WRITE A NOTE to today?
So… go DO IT.
Then, watch them GLOW and soak up their warmth.
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