I got this…

Sometimes I believe it. Sometimes… I’m not so sure.

But almost every day… I say it out loud. So I can hear it.

I probably don’t have to say this, but it’s been a bit hard since my wife has passed away.

Trying to come to grips with the fact that my sweet wife, Shelly is gone has been a challenge. My guess is that you may have even considered what YOU’D do in my situation if you lost your spouse and best friend. And even CONSIDERING something like that may bring you pain.

But I’ve always tried to be tough-minded. I’ve always tried to face challenges head-on and learn how to thrive in any situation I’ve faced. I’ve always tried to find the good in every trial or difficulty or challenge in my life.

I believe it’s a gift from God that I’ve been blessed with a natural buoyancy. So, I’ve made it a point to nurture and grow and magnify that gift. I’ve even attempted to share that gift.

However, this challenge (losing Shelly) has pushed me far beyond what I considered I could or should have to handle. Frankly, far beyond what I’d assumed I would ever HAVE to handle.

Shelly was my anchor, my steadying force, my everything. We’d been through some serious tough times and it had bonded us together. And our love had grown beyond what I’d imagined a wonderful relationship could be. I’d built my life around loving and serving her and the kids. But especially her.

I miss her SO much. This pain is pain I’d never imagined possible. The pain of this heartbreak, at times, has been overwhelming… even debilitating.

But…

But…

I have a job to do. A goal. A purpose.

A purpose that Shelly and I had discussed in depth and that includes what she and I started together.

That goal? That purpose? To return as a family to live together eternally with our Heavenly Father.

Every day. EVERY DAY. I find myself looking up to the Heavens and talking to Shelly. And I talk about a lot of stuff.

Sometimes I ask for support and love and hope and guidance. Sometimes it’s patience and buoyancy and humility. I have my own personal Angel, so I figure why not ask Shelly for specific help.

Every day there’s something new to tell her. To share with her. To seek her counsel.

But there’s one specific thing I repeat to her, almost every day. As I look Heavenward, frequently with tears in my eyes, I find myself repeating these simple words…

“I got this, Shelly.”

“I got this.”

Sometimes I believe it. Sometimes… I’m not so sure.

But almost every day… I say it out loud.

So I can hear it.

“I got this.”

I like to imagine she’s smiling back at me and lovingly saying back… in her sweet, Southern voice…

“I know. You got this, Kyyyle.”

“You got this.”

It gives me strength. It gives me hope. It makes me feel loved.

And I NEED that.

Have you ever considered that? Have you ever considered that with God’s help… that…

YOU got this?

If not, imagine me (and God) saying it to you now.

“You got this.”

Can you imagine if God said that? Wouldn’t that be awesome? In His comforting, loving and all-knowing voice. I can almost hear it now.

God saying…

“You got this.”

Keep working. Keep loving. Keep hoping.

“YOU GOT THIS!”