When my wife Shelly passed away in October 2021, I lost my best friend, my sweetheart and the woman I had spent 30 years building my life with.
We had six children together. And like almost all parents, we experienced the beautiful moments, the frustrating moments, the unexpected challenges, and everything in between.
But there was something about Shelly that I appreciated even more after she was gone.
She really, really loved being a mom.
I’m not saying she loved every moment. She didn’t. Our children challenged her. They argued, disagreed, tested boundaries, and occasionally made life pretty difficult.
But Shelly had developed a way of approaching being a mom that made it possible for her to experience joy even when things weren’t going perfectly.
She didn’t spend her days wishing our kids were different. She didn’t allow every tough situation to take away her happiness. And she didn’t believe that being a good mom meant sacrificing her own emotional well-being.
She had figured a few things out.
And shortly before she died, she told me that we needed to find a way to share what she had learned and was living with other moms.
At the time, I had no idea how important those words would become to me.
After she passed, I found myself reviewing all the challenges we’d learned from, the strategies she’d developed, and the lessons she had incorporated into our family.
I began to understand that Shelly hadn’t simply created a collection of parenting ideas and theory.
She had developed an entire framework for experiencing motherhood differently.
I now call it The Shelly Method.
And the more I thought about it, the more convinced I became that other moms needed to experience what Shelly had discovered. (And what she’d requested I help her share.)
I Think We’ve Been Missing Something Important in Parenting
Over the years, I’ve reviewed countless parenting books, philosophies, strategies, and approaches.
Some focus on discipline. Others on gentleness. Others focus on communication, positive reinforcement, boundaries, emotional intelligence, or building stronger connections with children.
And many of those things are good.
But as I looked at Shelly’s approach, I realized something was different.
She wasn’t just trying to solve the problem of how to raise good children.
She was trying to solve something deeper. Something like…
How can a mom raise children, navigate all the challenges that come with motherhood, and actually enjoy the experience along the way?
Think about that for a minute.
How many moms seem to spend their days feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, exhausted, or disappointed because their children aren’t behaving the way they hoped?
How many moms seem to secretly wonder whether they’re doing a good job?
How many feel guilty because they lose their patience, react emotionally, or occasionally wish motherhood were easier?
And how many are so busy trying to become the mom their children need that they’ve forgotten how to take care of the woman they need to be?
I believe Shelly understood that something was missing.
She realized that helping children become the best versions of themselves required more than simply learning how to discipline them.
It required Mom to have the tools, perspective, and framework to become the best version of herself, too.
That’s why The Shelly Method brings together three essential pieces.
And Shelly and I believe all three are necessary.
The First Piece: Mom Needs to Take Care of Mom
One thing I admired about Shelly was that she understood the importance of intentionally taking care of herself.
She knew that if she wanted to bring her best to our children, she needed a way to keep recommiting to being her best.
Not just when things were going well.
Not just when the kids were being cooperative.
Every day.
Think about how many moms wake up already feeling behind.
They have responsibilities, schedules, household demands, children who need them, and a an endless list of things to accomplish.
Then the challenges start.
One of the kids won’t listen. Another argues. Something doesn’t go according to plan. Before long, Mom is frustrated, emotionally drained, and wondering why something that should be so rewarding feels so difficult.
Shelly believed moms needed a way to intentionally manage their own emotional state and reconnect with the kind of mom they wanted to be.
The Shelly Method covers this in detail.
It helps moms develop a daily practice of recommitting to themselves, their priorities, and the way they want to approach their families.
Because here’s something I wish every mom understood…
I watched Shelly. And you too, deserve to enjoy the life you’re working so hard to build.
Your happiness matters, too.
You don’t have to wait until your children are older, more cooperative, or finally doing everything right to experience joy.
You can begin experiencing it today.
The Second Piece: What If You Could See Your Children Differently?
This is one of the things I loved most about watching Shelly parent.
She had an incredible ability to look at a challenging child and see something beyond the behavior happening in front of her.
She didn’t automatically interpret every disagreement as disrespect or every challenge as a battle she needed to win.
She looked for opportunities.
What if that strong-willed child isn’t simply being difficult? What if that child is a little scientist, experimenting with the world, testing ideas, and trying to understand how things work?
What if arguing isn’t simply something that needs to be stopped, but an opportunity to teach a child how to disagree respectfully?
What if today’s challenging behavior could become tomorrow’s strength when Mom knows how to guide it?
This doesn’t mean allowing children to do whatever they want.
It doesn’t mean eliminating discipline, boundaries, or parental authority.
It means learning to see the child, not just the behavior.
And I believe that distinction can change everything.
When Mom begins looking at her children differently, she doesn’t have to experience every challenge as a personal frustration.
She can begin seeing opportunities to teach, guide, connect, and build character.
Shelly had somehow gained that perspective.
Our kids may not have changed at all. But Shelly’s perspective changed. And that changed the way she approached every situation.
I watched Shelly do this with our children. I watched her turn situations that could have become arguments into opportunities to teach something meaningful.
Shelly wanted every mom to have the opportunity to experience that shift.
The Third Piece: Knowing How to Handle the Challenges With Love
Of course, a different perspective is only part of the answer.
Children will still challenge us.
They will disagree, test boundaries, make mistakes, and occasionally do things that leave us wondering what in the world we’re supposed to do next.
And here’s something else Shelly understood…
There isn’t one strategy that works for every child in every situation.
Every child is different.
They have different personalities, different temperaments, different strengths, and different things they need to learn.
So why would we expect one parenting technique to work for everyone?
Shelly developed a framework that helps moms approach those challenges in a spirit of love while creating strategies specific to the child and the situation.
Instead of simply reacting to today’s behavior, Moms learn to step back and consider the bigger picture.
What am I trying to teach my child?
What does this particular child need to understand?
How can I address this situation without damaging the relationship I’m trying to build?
How can I turn this difficult moment into an opportunity to develop character?
And perhaps most importantly, how can I create a strategy that contributes to long-term success rather than simply making today’s problem disappear?
That’s a very different way of Moming.
It doesn’t mean being permissive. (Shelly wasn’t) It doesn’t mean avoiding difficult conversations or allowing unacceptable behavior. (She didn’t)
It means approaching even the most challenging situations with the intention of helping your child become the person you hope they’ll become.
And doing it in a spirit of love.
Here’s Why I Believe All Three Pieces Matter
After Shelly passed away, I spent a lot of time thinking about what made her approach so different.
Eventually, I realized that it wasn’t just one thing she did.
It was how everything worked together.
She understood that Mom needed to take care of herself.
She understood that Mom needed to see her children through a different lens.
And she understood that Mom needed an easy to learn and use, practical framework for addressing challenges and creating strategies that worked for each individual child.
These three pieces aren’t interchangeable.
They aren’t separate parenting tips that happen to be included in the same book.
They depend on one another.
Imagine a mom who has wonderful strategies for handling her children but has no way to manage her own emotions. Eventually, frustration and exhaustion can interfere with even the best strategies.
Imagine a mom who takes wonderful care of herself but continues to interpret every challenging behavior as a personal battle. She’s still going to experience unnecessary frustration.
Or imagine a mom who understands her children differently but doesn’t know what to do when they challenge her. She may have a new perspective but still feel helpless when difficult situations arise.
It takes all three pieces to bring everything together.
That’s what makes The Shelly Method different.
It’s not simply about teaching moms what to do when their children misbehave.
It’s about helping moms develop an entirely different relationship with motherhood itself.
A way to take care of themselves, see their children differently, and approach challenges with love and purpose.
A way to experience more happiness while doing one of the most important jobs they’ll ever have.
What I Wish Every Mom Could Experience
If I could sit down with every mom who is struggling, feeling overwhelmed, or wondering whether she’s doing a good job, I would tell her something.
You don’t have to wait until your children become easier to enjoy being their mom.
You don’t have to spend your days fighting against their personalities.
You don’t have to feel guilty every time something doesn’t go according to plan.
And you don’t have to choose between raising children with strong character and enjoying the experience of raising them.
You can learn to do both.
You can become more intentional about taking care of yourself.
You can learn to see your children differently.
You can develop strategies that help them grow while strengthening the relationship you have with them.
You can learn to approach challenging situations without allowing those situations to define your happiness.
And along the way, something beautiful can happen.
You begin enjoying the process of becoming the mom you’ve always wanted to be.
You begin seeing the family you’ve always dreamed about taking shape.
Not because everything is perfect, but because you have a different way of navigating the imperfections.
That’s what Shelly discovered.
And that’s what I want other moms to experience.
I Couldn’t Let Her Message Die With Her
I wish Shelly were here to tell you all of this herself.
I wish she could sit down with moms, share her experiences, explain her strategies, and tell them how much joy she found in raising our six children.
I wish she could see what I’m doing to share the message she cared so deeply about. (Maybe she can.)
But I can’t bring her back.
What I can do is make sure the things she learned, the things she taught our family, and the framework she wanted to share with other moms don’t disappear.
That’s why I’ve dedicated myself to bringing The Shelly Method to the world.
I don’t believe Shelly’s approach was about creating perfect moms or perfect children.
I believe it was about helping moms discover that motherhood can be something they genuinely enjoy, even when life gets difficult.
She wanted other moms to experience the same happiness she experienced.
She wanted them to have a framework they could follow, strategies they could apply, and a way to approach their children that would help them build the families they always dreamed about.
And I want that for you, too.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from losing the woman I loved and spending the years since trying to preserve what she left behind, it’s that the things we teach the people we love can continue making a difference long after we’re gone.
Shelly taught our family how to approach motherhood and family life differently.
Now, I want to help her teach yours.
Because I don’t just want moms to become better at raising their children. I want them to discover how wonderful it can feel to be the mom they always wanted to become.
And I want them to enjoy building the family they’ve always dreamed about.
That’s The Shelly Method.