Why are other people so hard to get along with? Why are they SO seemingly stupid? Why do they frustrate us SO much?
The reason is simple.
Almost always… the reason is…
Let me share a story—a parable, really—that I heard from author Jack Christenson to make this crystal clear.
One of Jack’s great passions in life is raising hunting dogs. He tells the story of a beautiful German short-haired pointer that was a “brag dog”—a dog so good, so obedient, and so well-trained that its owner can’t help but “brag her up” to all his friends.
And this dog was the brag dog of all brag dogs.
One day he loaded up the dog, his visiting son-in-law, and a few of his buddies into his truck and headed to a hunting club for a competition. For the entire 45-minute drive, Jack went on and on about how great the dog was, and how she was going to steal the show. By the time they arrived, his friends were sick of hearing it. It was time to “put up or shut up.”
When they got to the club, Jack released the dog from its kennel to run around free for a few minutes while he checked in and was assigned to a field. When he returned, he gave the dog a hand signal to jump into the truck—but there was no response. And no amount of coaxing could get the animal to move; something was off, but he couldn’t figure out what. Eventually he helped the dog into the truck, and they drove to their assigned field.
Once at the field the dog wouldn’t run; she wouldn’t hunt; she wouldn’t do anything but sit right by Jack’s leg. His son-in-law and buddies started to make fun of him for this “great brag dog” that wouldn’t do a thing.
Something was wrong. Really wrong.
He sent his friends off to work with their own dogs in another field while he tried to solve the mystery. He gave the dog a command to walk, but she barely moved. Somebody nearby shot a bird, so he gave the dog a hand signal to retrieve—the very essence of what this dog was created for and trained to do.
No response.
He became so agitated that he practically screamed at his beloved pet, “Dumb dog, just go do what you are supposed to do!”
Still nothing.
Finally he sternly commanded the dog, “Get down there and get that bird!”
The dog walked slowly to the bird, picked it up—no enthusiasm, no life—and dropped it as his feet.
By this point his anger was boiling over. He ordered the dog to jump back in the truck.
It wouldn’t move.
So he lifted her up and gave her a frustrated shove—not abusive, but with some attitude—into the kennel.
As you can imagine, the ride home was long and full of ridicule from his friends. The greatest brag dog of all time had been a complete flop.
When he arrived home, he performed his usual process of running his hands through the dog’s fur to check for ticks or other bugs. He started with his hand under the dog’s throat, then slid it down the front of the neck and onto the breastbone. As he did this he felt something wet… and when he looked at his hand, it was covered in blood.
Uh oh.
He looked closer and saw that the dog had sustained an injury (apparently, while running free) that left a deep gash that went through the muscle all the way to the bone. Further inspection showed a similar bone-deep gash on the dog’s front leg.
His brag dog wasn’t obstinate, she was in pain.
He took the dog to the vet who explained that while this wound was recoverable, it wasn’t something that could be stitched up—it had to heal from the inside out. That meant that the wound had to remain open, where the dog could lick it and allow the natural antibodies in her saliva to slowly heal the wound. He would have to be careful with the dog for a good long while—no more competitions or showing off for his buddies.
And you know what? It turns out that people are a lot like that.
THAT’S the reason other people seem so hard to get along with.
Almost always… the reason is… THEIR WOUNDS.
When other people make poor behavioral choices; when they are SO seemingly stupid — more often than not it’s due to deep wounds.
Not physical wounds, but spiritual and/or emotional wounds. They’re not bad people; they just have unresolved wounds that keep them from living up to their potential.
Don’t we all?
I have a kind request of us all.
Can we PLEASE be patient and understanding with each other? It will make us (you and I) – and even others… all of us… happier.
NOTE: In the spirit of full disclosure… this story was pilfered from my good friend, Rich Harshaw.
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