Rage tears?

From angry and bitter to tears of happiness… in the blink of a…

NEW SCRIPT?

As you can imagine after my wife of 30 years passed away suddenly I found my self in a bit of… well, dismay. What I was COMPLETELY unprepared for was the discovery that SO MANY things in my life reminded me that she was gone.

I guess it makes sense. When you’re married to someone for 30 years and you’ve built a life together, probably everything SHOULD remind you of her.

From (every) song, to the furniture in our home, to Costco, to a beat-up-broken-down couch (you may know THAT story) to… well everything.

But what shocked me the most was the first time I saw an old couple holding hands in Wal-Mart. And my reaction? NOT good.

You have to understand. I was so desperately and hopelessly IN LOVE with my wife there were no words to describe it. She was my EVERYTHING. My confidant, my councilor, my sweetheart, my Queen.

No thing and no one came before her. She was my best friend and I was looking forward to growing old WITH her.

And I think that was the problem.

As I walked through Wal-Mart that day hunting for some food for my kids, I spotted a cute, older couple. Maybe they were in their 80’s or so, but as I saw them I could absolutely tell they loved each other.

I stopped and watched in silence as they smiled at one another, chatted, lovingly looked at each other and seemed to be so connected. And I was…

ENRAGED!

Jealousy and bitterness completely engulfed me and I drooped my head forward to see both my hands balled into tight fists.

Then… tears erupted from my eyes. I silently sobbed as I thought…

“This is SO wrong. What has happened is SO unfair. I lost my sweet wife… the kids lost their sweet mom. This SUCKS!”

I… wanted to grow old with Shelly. I… wanted to go grocery shopping with her when we were old and…

Smile at each other, chat, lovingly look at each other and BE so in love.

“This SUCKS! This AIN’T RIGHT!”

I knew that staring at a sweet old couple with “rage tears” flowing down my face was probably not a great thing so I turned away, left my cart right there in the fresh vegetable section of Wal-Mart and anger-walked out to my car.

As I drove home raging over the unfairness of my life… I couldn’t help but spin more and more out of control. But as I got closer to home I realized that all my happy, buoyant kids would be a bit shocked and confused if they saw me in “a fury state” so I pulled into the Lowe’s parking lot away from any people and took some time to recompose myself.

After “way-too-long” I continued home and acted as if nothing had happened.

But it had… and I was confident it would happen again…

If…

If…

I didn’t do something about it.

Years ago I had developed a strategy (that I had used with my kids on the autism spectrum) that had enabled me to DECIDE to view things in an entirely different manor when I knew I may face the same challenge again… and work to “change my reaction.” And it HAD WORKED wonderfully with them and allowed me to be a better Dad.

I wondered. Could I shape-shift that old strategy for THIS situation? Because it seemed far-fetched (you know, because it seemed as if I had NO control over my emotions.) But like I said, “If I didn’t do something about it… I knew it would happen again.

I believe that things “don’t get better by chance.” I must MAKE them better… if I can.

So I went to work.

I decided that my response was unhealthy for me (and for others) and sat down to write a “new script” for the next time I saw an old couple in love.

A completely different script. A better script. A wonderful script. A beautiful script. A script that would have me soaking up “their” love as I spread love and kindness and removed all my bitterness and hate and rage.

But… it didn’t remove the tears.

It CHANGED them into tears of joy.

A few days later… there was my chance. My chance to “act out” my new script. As I walked out of Wal-Mart I spotted a cute old couple holding hands and very slowly and carefully (because they seemed very delicate) walking towards me.

Immediately, I smiled at them and they smiled back and I slowly approached and said…

“You two seem so in love. I LOVE that SO MUCH.”

You see, my new “script” required me to first, look for older couples that looked like they loved each other. Next, to approach them kindly and try and FEEL of their love for each other. And finally, to let their love fill me with love and share how that made me feel.

They stopped cold in their tracks, looked at each other, looked back at me… and the sweet old lady said…

“Come here young man.”

As I approached, she seemed unable to restrain herself as she leaned towards me and said, “We REALLY DO love each other. Come closer and give me a hug.”

As I leaned in, she and her husband both gave me the sweetest… LONGEST… hugs I’ve received in forever.

And… I FELT of their love for each other and me.

As they pulled away, I noticed wetness in her eyes and immediately teared up myself. As I glanced towards her husband, he too had tears in his eyes and said to me…

“Thank you so much for saying that. You just reminded us. You’re a good young man.”

Before I could reply his wife had again grabbed me to hug me… again… and very quietly whispered something up towards me that I couldn’t understand.

Then the sweetest thing ever happened. They turned towards each other… and hugged each other very tightly.

As I walked away, I could see the tears in both their eyes as they looked at each other.

They DID love each other. And seeing them SO in love left me walking away with tears of joy.

“THAT’S what I’m talking about! THAT’S what seeing an older couple in love should do to me!” I screamed… but only in my mind.

The experience left me grateful for love… and that I had thirty years of that kind of love with my sweet wife, Shelly.

Since, then… over and over… and over again I’ve shared wonderful experiences with older couples that were complete strangers to me…

Until… I’ve used my NEW SCRIPT.

Each and every time, these older couples have allowed me to feel of their love as I’ve approached them. Many times we’ve shared giant smiles. A few times we’ve shared hugs. Even fewer times we’ve shared tears.

But every time… we’ve felt of each others love.

From angry and bitter when I’d see older couples in love… to tears of happiness… almost every time.

Now… I’m constantly on the lookout.

And if you’re an older couple in love… watch out. I may USE YOU… to HELP ME… feel the kind of love that Shelly and I would have shared as we grew old together.