In a Spirit of Love

The “Shelly Method” of leaving a Mom’s legacy.

As I sat in front of the TV fuming, my wife Shelly saw my rage rising and softly placed her hands on my shoulders.

What She said next changed my life forever.

We had moved to Boise, Idaho to raise our (at the time) 4 sons. They were strong-willed. They were a challenge. They were what Shelly called, FERAL. One of our sons was even harder than all that. He is on the more severe side of the autism spectrum.

So… like most families do when raising challenging kids, we were struggling. A change of scenery… from Dallas, Texas to Boise, Idaho… we hoped would help our struggles.

The unique thing about Boise is that it’s a sleepy small city that rarely has big-city crime. Frankly, a great place to try and raise wild boys.

Where Shelly and I had grown up in the Dallas, Texas area, it took a murder suicide to make the local evening news. But in Boise, even a missing kiddo would make headlines.

And on this day, that was what we were seeing. A young child had been grabbed from a park and suffered through some unthinkable abuse.

As I watched, I think Shelly sensed my anger. As I sat in front of the TV fuming, Shelly saw my rage rising and softly placed her hands on my shoulders.

“This makes me crazy. IF I EVER catch that sucker, he’d suffer worse than that family that he hurt so badly.”

That’s when she said it. Shelly simply said… in her beautiful, loving, feminine voice, “Maybe instead of focusing on your anger and hate… maybe you can focus on compassion and love for the family affected.”

Almost immediately her statement “sapped” my energy and anger. And I softened.

It was a defining moment in my life.

I used to think my rage, my anger, my frustration was effective. My intensity was an asset. Things seem to get done when I am in that state of mind.

But in that moment almost immediately I realized it was not the most effective way to run my life. I was a “justice” person. But watching Shelly flit around through life with a beauty and grace and sweetness made me rethink that approach. Shelly was a “compassion and mercy” person.

“Is there a better way?” I considered.

Later on I heard Shelly say, “Angry bitter people live in an angry bitter world. Happy loving people live in a happy loving world. SAME world.”

And She was… and will always be… right.

And the more I watched Shelly and adopted Her kindness, Her compassion, the way She seemed to do everything… in a “Spirit of Love” the more I realized and adopted Her approach to life.

Can you imagine? Being so loving that your “impact alone” changes your husband… and kids… and all those that come into your life?

I can. Because that was the “Shelly Method” of leaving a Mom’s legacy. Compassion and mercy and loving… one person at a time.


Posted

in

by

Tags:

Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *