Recently, one of my kids made a decision that caused him to have to face some harsh consequences. The kind of consequences that can be… well, heart-wrenching.
But… at the same time, allow him to learn valuable lessons about how the world works.
I was not surprised. I could foresee the consequences were a possibility way before it happened so I was prepared to allow him to learn through the experience and possibly experience some pain… hopefully in an attempt to help him make changes to his behavior.
Why?
My wife Shelly and I had long before created a few guidelines for our family that had helped us in these types of situations. Specifically the rule that I am referring to that guided my decisions in this circumstance is this:
We would always do what was best for our kids… long-term… even if it was hard.
And this was HARD. For him… and me. HARD… HARD. HARD!
Even though I was determined to do what I believed was best for him long-term I KNEW… that Shelly – if She were still here (She passed away in October or 2021) – would have most likely “saved” him from the consequences.
They were just too harsh.
And I get it. Shelly LOVES our kids deeply. She’s the ultimate nurturer. She is protective. And She could not have bared the suffering – her own OR the thought of his – through the consequences he would have to face.
And that’s just one of the reasons I love her so much.
But I knew what needed to be done. And without hesitation, I allowed him to face the consequences of his decision. Even though it may have been the hardest thing he’s ever faced. Or I… have faced. Frankly, it was heart-wrenching for us both.
Consequently, then next night I dreamed about Shelly. And in this dream, She was upset with me. So upset that She would not kiss me or even look at me. Yeah… THAT kind of upset. She was DONE with me.
I woke up in agony. Questioning my decision. This MUST be a sign.
Was this Her way of letting me know – from beyond the grave – that the decision I had made was wrong?
I didn’t want to believe that… especially since She and I together had created the guidelines as to how we’d raise our kids together.
Just so you know…
I dream a lot. And I decided a long time ago I get “to choose” what my dreams mean to me. And if I get to choose – and I DO – I will choose to give my dreams a “productive for me” meaning.
But THIS… seemed clear-cut. She was unhappy me and with my decision.
Then… I contemplated a deeper, more thoughtful… and more “productive for me” consideration.
Maybe, because I’m so sure Shelly would have “saved” him from the consequence I allowed him to face, it’s simply me feeling guilty for doing something I’m sure She would have disagreed with if She were still here.
Maybe, this is simply “subconscious guilt” creating this scenario in my dream. When I’m asleep, I cannot control my thoughts and the subconscious takes over.
But… certainly, Shelly now has a more Heavenly perspective than I do and certainly She knows I’m doing my best. Hopefully, She would – because of my limited, earthly view – extend me grace in this situation and under these circumstances based on Her wider, expanded, Celestial view.
I like that idea. And based on that meaning… I can now “let go” of any subconscious guilt that COULD and most likely WOULD torment me. And I mean TORMENT me.
I am not a fan of guilt. I don’t think feeling guilty or making someone else feel guilty is a good thing. I think guilt is a great way for the Devil to get in ones head and screw around.
Don’t get me wrong, I DO believe in Godly sorrow as an alternative to guilt. Godly sorrow can lead to change in a good way. It can build us up and help us grow and become better. Guilt just seems to tear us down and cause pain.
Nevertheless, I realize I could be WAY off by choosing this as the meaning of my dream. So I wasn’t done with prayerful consideration.
And as part of that consideration, that evening as I kneeled at the side of my bed I specifically asked for comfort and help in understanding what I should do and how I should proceed moving forward.
And… I was gifted THIS…
ANOTHER dream about Shelly.
This dream however, was dramatically different.
I’ve had a LOT of dreams about Shelly since She’s passed away. But this was one of the sweetest dreams ever. And I mean SWEET! Seriously, her lips tasted like honey as She kissed me… over and over. It was glorious.
When I woke up I would swear my lips STILL had the slightest taste of honey on them. I was overwhelmed with a feeling of love for Her and from Her.
Immediately, I rolled out of bed and knelt again right then and there and expressed my gratitude. Over and over.
As I proceeded through my day I found myself chatting with a close friend who – knowing of our situation – expressed to me that she and her family had been praying for us and simply said…
“I know Shelly was WITH him during that time.”
And I teared up as I replied…
“Shelly’s with him… and me.”
Leave a Reply